I Got Out Of The Kitchen

Considering that for the last few days it’s been about as hot as an Amazonian jungle (or an ancient, underground temple filled with molten hot lava for that matter) in the office where I keep my computer here at RS headquarters, I’ve barely even wanted to take five minutes to check my email, let alone sit in this sweltering hellhole and format the review that will be part two of our Italian Rip Offs of Indiana Jones series.

Thankfully, we got an air conditioner up and running last night (finally!), which is making things a little more bearable, at least enough for me to get the ball rolling again (was that another bad Indiana Jones joke?)

That’s right my friends, the adventure is far from over. There are plenty more action-packed, danger-filled, international quests for hidden treasure to come.

So grab your machete, strap on your trusty whip, and fill up a couple bags with sand (you know, to put in place of any priceless relics that may be resting on weight sensitive pillars set to trigger lethal traps), as we head off on the second leg of our cinematic voyage, in search of the Ark of the Sun God.

Spaghetti Adventure?

As we all knew it would, Indiana Jones fever has taken the country by storm. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull raked in an estimated $101 million on its opening weekend, making it the second largest Memorial Day release and the third largest opening of all time. It was only #2 at the box office this past weekend (behind Sex and the City!), but that still puts its total gross so far at a whopping $216 million.

On top of that, you can’t go anywhere right now without that familiar cascading logo showing up, whether on the seemingly endless sea of merchandise currently lining store shelves, or as some kind of contest or other corporate tie-in (I saw that there is even a toy whip now that makes realistic cracking sounds and plays the IJ theme when you swing it around. I must have one!).

I’m sure most of you have hopefully had a chance to see it by now and probably have a very strong opinion on the film one way or the other, which seems to be the norm. The verdict seems pretty mixed, with some people already hoping for yet another sequel (but then again, some people just always want another sequel) and others already crying foul and predicting another Star Wars prequel-like fiasco. I’ll spare you my personal opinions on the matter, because that’s not what this post is about.

But either way, the people have spoken and what they said was, “We obviously love Indiana Jones!”

Well, not to be outdone, I figured I’d better get in on the Indy bandwagon, too.

So, just in case you simply can’t get enough world traveling, temple raiding, treasure hunting summertime action-adventure, I’m proud to present to you Radiation Sickness’ very first special feature/review series:

But before you continue on, as a small aside, I’d just like to point out that as this is my first big feature article, there may be a few bugs with it, so please bear with me as I get it all worked out. This started out as one massive article (which is why it’s been taking a while and you haven’t heard much from me otherwise), but I decided, based on ease of reading and navigation, to break it up into sections. So hopefully, if all works out as planned, the article will initially only be accessible through this link (which leads to the introduction), but as the reviews go up one by one, you will be able to choose to read each one individually or the entire feature as a whole.

Is Anyone Home?

Just checking in. No review this time though, as I’ve been feeling a little under the weather, but some bigger things should be coming just around the corner.

While I’m here though, I wanted to give a little update on some recent news and upcoming events:

1. Someone’s obviously been reading the site because DVD releases for both The Scarecrow of Romney Marsh and The Deadly Bees have been announced! Scarecrow, in it’s uncut, original 3-part miniseries format, will be part of the Walt Disney Treasures collection with a tentative street date of 11-11-08, while Legend Films is set to put out The Deadly Bees, but has not announced any specifics as to when it will be available.

2. Next Saturday, June 7th 2008, my good friends at Exhumed Films are presenting a very special screening of the only remaining print of the 1973 “lost” psychedelic classic Malatesta’s Carnival of Blood, partnered with the eerie, dreamlike zombie film Messiah of Evil, an extremely fitting choice to round out this double feature. Both films are fantastic and Malatesta director Christopher Speeth, along with several other members of the cast and crew, will be on hand to discuss the film and answer any questions you might have. I would recommend that anyone who is really a fan of bizarre/obscure horror films attend. It should be lots of fun.

3. I don’t intend to really discuss newer films here (perhaps on occasion) and I normally wouldn’t put in such a shameless plug for myself, but anyone who is interested in going to see The Strangers this weekend might want to read a review of an uncannily similar (and slightly more effective) French film titled Ils(Them) that I wrote for FEARnet.com, if you’re not already familiar with it. It is now available on DVD here in the U.S. (released by Dark Sky Films) and I would recommend checking it out whether or not you end up liking this new Hollywood pseudo-remake (as far as I know it’s not technically a remake, but as I mentioned both films share an unbelievable amount in common, and I think it would be quite a coincidence if they were both made independently without one having knowledge of the other; I guess it wouldn’t be the first time though) as they both explore the theme of home invasion that I’m sure most of us probably find rather terrifying.

Well, that’s all I got for now. Check back soon for more reviews of trashy movies.

Tales From The Dorkside

One of my all time favorite things to do when I find some expendable free time, on a lazy Saturday afternoon perhaps (if I’m not already watching some dumb movie), is to spend a couple hours perusing a few of those “please help me identify/remember the name of this movie” type sites/message boards that I sometimes come across in my never ending search for bizarre films.

You know, the ones where people will write an extremely vague description, often with little or no details, of a plot or scene from a movie (or at least they think it was from a movie, but it could have possibly just been a weird dream, they’re a little foggy on that fact) that they saw as a child on some random TV station late at night 15-20 years ago, and then ask if any of the pantheon of film geeks that are reading it, whose encyclopedic brains are just bursting with useless knowledge, can hopefully remember the title, because they can’t seem to and it’s been driving them absolutely crazy.

Ahh, those are always so much fun to read, aren’t they?

And why, exactly, would I find reading other peoples ridiculously sparse descriptions of movies which they are struggling to fully remember so entertaining?

Well, first of all, I can sympathize. I’m sure we all can. There’s probably not one among us who hasn’t known first hand the absolute mental anguish that comes along with not being able to remember a films title while a particular plot element or a strong piece of visual imagery remains dancing around in your head, destined to torment you for eternity. My brain hurts even thinking about it.

But mostly I like to read them because one of three possible results takes place:

1. I know the movie they are talking about and feel smart

2. I also vaguely recall the scene/plot they are describing, but can’t remember the title and will subsequently also be driven crazy by it unless I find out, prompting me to join in their search

3. I have no idea what the movie is that they are talking about, and I think that it most likely sounds completely made up or could possibly be a combination of parts from several movies that they are confusing, but nonetheless something within the description, real or imagined, has piqued my interest and now I must find out what this film is, if it actually exists, and see it

#3 was the case with Encounter with the Unknown.

The details presented in the brief description I read were quite vivid for once (the person actually remembered entire portions of this ominous curse uttered by one of the characters), which gave me something to start my search with.

It took some time (several hours of fruitlessly scouring the internet for clues), but I eventually was able to find the title. Then, thanks to the folks at retroFLICKS (which I was going to post a link to, but sadly it seems that they are no longer in operation), who released the film, I was able to finally get my hands on a copy and see it.

So, was it worth all the time and effort that it took me to identify and locate it?

Let’s find out.

There’s No Doubt About It…

Spring is in the air.

I can tell by the fresh coat of bright yellow pollen that I find on my car each morning.

April showers have brought May flowers. Which in turn have brought that thick layer of golden dust.

And you know what all that pollen means, right?

BEES

I hate them. Always have. They’re one of the few things that I have a completely irrational fear of. I’m not allergic, as far as I know anyway, and I’ve only ever been stung twice, but there is just something about those little flying a-holes that rubs me the wrong way.

Yet, in honor of the arrival of the beautiful spring weather, I’ve decided to put my fear and hatred aside (for 90 minutes anyway) and watch The Deadly Bees.

Maybe I’m subconsciously trying to confront the fear, in the vain hope that I won’t freak out every time a harmless honeybee tries to land on my ice cream sandwich this summer.

More likely, I just want to see some people get stung to death.

Either way, enjoy.

Vault Disney

Sorry for the delay, kids, but I’ve been out of town. Mere days after the site “officially” went up, I was off with some friends to celebrate my birthday at The Happiest Place on Earth, Walt Disney World. I had a wonderful time while I was there (thanks for asking!), as I always do, but nevertheless couldn’t stop thinking about how excited I was to get things rolling here at Radiation Sickness when I got back. Then it dawned on me, what better way to kick things off upon my return, my head still swollen with daydreams of adventure thanks to numerous rides on Pirates of the Caribbean and a thorough exploration of Tom Sawyer Island, than to sit down and watch one of the timeless Disney live-action classics which capture that very same spirit of adventure so prevalent in much of their work.

But which one? There are literally hundreds to choose from. We’re talking about a studio that’s been producing films for over 80 years now; that constitutes quite an extensive back catalog, as you can imagine. And more importantly, which one would be right for the site? I had to find one that was truly Radiation Sickness material. In other words, nothing too obvious and probably a little creepy.

Well, I did some digging around and came up with what I think is the perfect candidate (actually, there are several “perfect candidates” that will all probably end up on here at some point in time), 1964’s The Scarecrow of Romney Marsh (aka Dr. Syn).

It’s an oldie, but a goodie (at least I think so), and has everything necessary to fuel that sense of adventure present in any imaginative young boy (or in one that is young at heart, even though he’s now almost 30).

Thanks

I also just wanted to give a big thank you to two people who helped immensely to make this site possible:

the always amazing Isaac Ramos for putting together the structure and basic design of the site (check him out at Ramos Worldwide) and the unbelievably talented Mike Bukowski for creating an awesome header which totally exceeded even my wildest expectations (view some of his other fantastic work at Last Chance Illustration).

Thanks so much guys. I don’t know how I could have done it without you.

A Creeping Dose

If you’re reading this, I hope you like strange movies. Seeing as how you’ve somehow managed to stumble upon this site in your various internet travels, I’m going to assume that you do. That’s good, because I like strange movies, too. I like them a lot. The weirder the better, in fact. And I just can’t get enough of them. Seriously.

Let me explain a little…

For as long as I can remember I’ve had an affinity for unusual films. Many a Saturday afternoon of my youth was spent choosing to stay inside and watch B-grade horror or kung fu double features filled with greasepaint makeup, rubbery monsters, bizarre weapons, ancient sorcery, and high flying action rather than going out to play in the fresh air and sunshine. All throughout my teenage years I became obsessed with seeing as much of this as I could, spending countless hours of my precious weekends lurking around the dark corners of some disheveled video store or sitting in a torn up seat at the back of a musty old rundown theater. The video rental boom played the perfect backdrop for this seemingly insatiable urge for the out of the ordinary, allowing me to see all of the highly talked about “cult classics” that I could get my hands on. I was hooked, without a doubt, inescapably drawn in by the aura of mystery and promise of danger offered only by the most outlandish of films.

But no matter how many I saw, I always wanted more. Like a junkie in the truest sense of the word (although I prefer the term “devoted fan”), I began to seek out more weird movies in any place I could find them. When I saw everything that my local video stores had to offer, I started to travel to rent movies, with anything short of a 50 mile radius considered fair game. Once that was exhausted, I looked toward horror conventions, photocopied mailorder catalogs, and eventually that most wonderful of inventions called the internet for all my rare video needs.

And like any good addict (although I prefer the term “passionate enthusiast”), I lowered my standards. I mean, what is a dedicated aficionado of bizarre films to do when he’s seen everything that’s good (or at least everything that is considered to be good)? Start watching crap of course (or at least everything that is considered to be crap) . And once you’ve seen all that garbage, you take a step even lower, and then another one even lower still, until you will pretty much watch everything, even things that most other people would consider absolutely unwatchable. All because you just can’t get enough. This is when I realized that I actually really like bad movies, sometimes even more than “good” ones. There is something undeniably charming about them, a different kind of magical entertaining quality that a well made film could only hope to achieve, but that is a completely different rant entirely which I’m sure will end up here are some point.

So here we are. That pretty much brings us up to the present. I’ve continued to watch all manner of strange film over the years and still possess that never-ending desire for more.

I hope this all sounds familiar, because that means that you’re in the right place.

I decided that I wanted to share my forays into weird cinema a while ago when I was writing more current, time sensitive reviews for several other horror/cult themed websites. While I enjoyed doing that (and still do potential employers! *wink wink*) I realized that I wanted a place where I could write about absolutely anything that I was watching, whether it was something with a brand new DVD release or some long forgotten thing I pulled off the bottom of a VHS bargain bin years ago that has lived in a box under my bed ever since. I wanted a place where I could write about total TRASH! The stuff that only the most dedicated, die hard cinematic adventurers are brave (or stupid) enough to sit through. The stuff that believe it or not, I like to watch. And it dawned on me that there must be others like me out there (or at least I hope so), right? There are so many places to find information about all of the recognizable, celebrated genre classics or whatever new, slick looking remake Hollywood is going to churn out next, so why not start one to share information about films that no one (or very few people, anyway) seems to care about?

So that’s what you have to look forward to here, some of my ramblings about whatever less-than-popular movie I’ve probably watched lately. You know how the saying goes, “one man’s trash is another man’s pizza fueled, popcorn crunching late night double feature.” Or something like that.

I hope this is what you were looking for and I hope you just found it. That’s what I’d really like to get out of all this. To find those, like me, who celebrate the uncelebrated. Those who praise what others condemn. Those who are willing to give almost anything (notice I said ALMOST anything - it’s not like I like EVERY movie I see, you know, but I am always open for suggestions) a chance. Those who like critically acclaimed, well made films, but might just happen to like some bottom of the barrel garbage more. And most importantly, those that think watching movies, of all kinds, good or bad, is fun.

I hope that’s you.

Welcome to Radiation Sickness.

Now let’s watch movies until our eyeballs fall out.